Negotiation — How to Ask for What You Want (And Actually Get It)

Many of us are afraid to ask for what we want, whether it be some extra time off, the opportunity to take on some additional responsibilities, or the raise that we deserve. But we very rarely get what we don’t ask for.

Many people, especially women, suffer from an undefined fear of asking. This generally stems from a hesitance to be seen as a self-serving individual and not a team player, as well as fear of rejection.

But even when we find the courage to ask, there is still the question of how exactly to do it. The best way to ask for something, and actually get it, is to ask in a way that highlights mutual benefit.

Read on for my top tips for asking for what you want, and actually getting it.

1) Be Informed

The easiest way to not get what you want is to make a ridiculous ask that makes you look unreasonable and uninformed. But if you come in with a reasonable ask, and have evidence to justify your ask, you are in a good position.

If you are asking for a raise, inform yourself about a competitive salary for similar positions and similar experience in your industry. If you want extra holidays, know the industry standard and have arguments in place for why it will make you more productive. Buying property? Have strong justifications for why you should receive certain discounts.

2) Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Why should anyone give you something that they don’t want to give you? When negotiating, you need to align your needs with the needs of the other party so that you can find common ground to agree on.

While you won’t win any points for trying to hide how what you are asking for will help you, try to also frame it in terms of how it will help them.

If you are asking for personal benefits, focus on how it will make you more productive and more loyal to the company.

3) Don’t Fixate on an Outcome

If you go into a negotiation with only one outcome in mind, you aren’t leaving yourself any room to negotiate!

Perhaps you have a minimum salary increase that you have in mind, but your company isn’t willing to give it to you because they simply can’t afford it. Are there other things that you would be willing to negotiate on, such as paid time off (PTO), responsibilities, support or other resources?

In addition to your willingness to compromise on what you receive, you should also be prepared to give. If you are asking for a raise that reflects your value, then you might need to be willing to justify that value, perhaps by committing to new goals or similar conditions.

4) Embrace Silence

In tense situations, such as a negotiation, we can be tempted to fill silences. This is often when we give too much away and start back pedalling on our demands and making concessions. Don’t do it!

When negotiating, both sides need a chance to think, and silence is often that thinking space. Fight the urge to fill silences and let them sit.

5) Have An Opportunity to Step Away

Negotiations aren’t always best completed in a single sitting. Both sides often need a chance to step away, consider repercussions, do a bit of research, and consult others. Give yourself an opportunity to step away from a negotiation and come back to it.

If you are negotiating on behalf of a business or other entity, it is simple to say that you need to consult colleagues. This might be your boss, the ultimate decision maker, or if that is you, your accountant or other expert that can provide you with vital information.

If you are negotiating for something personal, you sometimes need to work harder to create this breathing room. Of course, you can just say that you need some time to think. But you can also say that you need to consult with family members or something similar before making a final decision.

6) Don’t View Negotiating as a Competition

If you go into a negotiation thinking that it is a competition in which you need to convince the other party to give you something that they don’t want to, you are very likely to fail.

Rather, always look at negotiating as coming to a mutually beneficial agreement. While both sides might need to give something that they might be reluctant to give, both sides can do that if the shared benefits outweigh the costs.

Originally published at https://sabinegedeon.com on November 1, 2021.